Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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