if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
