i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
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He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize