There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
please come you make the beer taste better
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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