i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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