so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
