You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
