Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
