My room smells like vodka and shame
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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