Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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