the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
