It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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