You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
