This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
