Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
