How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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