i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
