So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
