I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize