I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
