Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Houston, we have a squirter
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
