just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
