It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
