nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
