...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
