stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
This baby is an asshole
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
