I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
