I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
