I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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