I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
