We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
