I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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