I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need to calm my uterus...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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