My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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