Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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