Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
