I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
