so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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