take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
