she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
