at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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