If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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