my mouth tastes like poor choices
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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