I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
