dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
