So drunk its hurt
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
