He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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