You're completely useless in the revolution.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Drunk is a universal language darling
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
