And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
