I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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