I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
