My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
