4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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