This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
