Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize