watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
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