I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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