im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
