If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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