Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
