Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
