as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Farmville is her only friend.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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