I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
