I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
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