Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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