It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
