I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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