i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Randomize
